I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
