it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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