After last night, I could never be a politician.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So much Jack, so little girl.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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