I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
