i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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