I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
