I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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