she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
