It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
it's great music for shaving your balls
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
