I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
