There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
