we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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