Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
