Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
