Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I need a burrito and a hug.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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