I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
