just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
