I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
