In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
