sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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