1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
