Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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