3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
