my mouth tastes like poor choices
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
