you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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