WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Be still, my beating vagina.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
