yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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