If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You ate ashes out of my bong
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
