forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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