Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
