If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
