I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
