Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
