I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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