The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
