whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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