So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
