Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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