There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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