I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
