there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
