you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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