Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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