sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
40s are totally the cure
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
