you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
