Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
