I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
