5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The ass gains better be worth it
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