He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
