You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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