I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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