hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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