Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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